Hyperactivity

The other day¹, an old friend told me: “when you were little, you were so active, always moving, always talking, always getting lost wherever, but now you are so chill and calm all the time.” That got me thinking, as I do not see myself that way.

It is true that when I was a kid, I looked like I had drunk as much coffee as I do now. I was a problem for everyone, or so I am told, because I could not stay put, even for a second. I was, as my drama teacher once called me, a force of nature. I got lost multiple times, I once sat in the priest’s chair in the middle of service on a crowded church, and I lost every single item I owned (but mostly school uniform sweaters, those disappeared every few weeks).

And I do not see myself any differently now. I still am as active as I was back then. I still am unstoppable when I decide to be so. I still lose things (like my umbrella, which I left on the bus this morning). But I think what has changed is that I can now (kinda) focus this energy to do whatever. I can contain and direct it into what I need to do at the moment. And I have since learned to keep it down on the outside, even if the inside is still a big tornado.

So yeah, I am calmer now. Or at least I appear so. Because, on the inside, I am still and I will forever be that hyperactive kid that could not stay put.